I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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