And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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