its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
