Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
