Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
