I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
