so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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