i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
