he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
