The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
