summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
