people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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