Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
