i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
