Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
