Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
