if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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