Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
