its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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