ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
