We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
