Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize