ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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