Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want her autograph on my taint
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
