I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
