i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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