I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
