I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
