yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
