im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
