you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
