dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
