I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize