This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before