I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".