somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall