I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
