Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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