my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
