Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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