my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
