meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
