A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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