so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
