As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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