Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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