so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
