You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
