apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
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The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just sucked dick on a ferry