No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
