Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
