i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
