just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
