she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
