He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
