The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
