U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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