I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
