Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
nutella sex= disaster
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
