When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
