you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
