I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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