she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
