38 yer olds are good kisserssss
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
