I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
