I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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