We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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