She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
