tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
