If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
