could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
