I can text with my tongue
my sisters under your porch take her home
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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