I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
