Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
