I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
