Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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