How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
