So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off