Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.

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  (518): Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird. http://tfl.nu/mxsq
  Replies (8) Good night (639) Bad night (2090)
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  (661): View more from California

  how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?

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  (661): how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth? http://tfl.nu/fdur
  Replies (45) Good night (865) Bad night (3733)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

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  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
  Replies (14) Good night (1093) Bad night (5665)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

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  (913): Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill http://tfl.nu/swr0
  Replies (22) Good night (624) Bad night (5823)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple

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  (630): we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple http://tfl.nu/8ojo
  Replies (60) Good night (809) Bad night (6188)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

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  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
  Replies (16) Good night (1572) Bad night (2891)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.

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  (317): I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30. http://tfl.nu/4yw7
  Replies (8) Good night (2555) Bad night (790)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.

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  (402): At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar. http://tfl.nu/wx7w
  Replies (3) Good night (1392) Bad night (609)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal

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  (812): They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal http://tfl.nu/sgdn
  Replies (4) Good night (2000) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..

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  (503): He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long.. http://tfl.nu/2c8x
  Replies (4) Good night (1281) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.

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  (484): I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/ixaa
  Replies (8) Good night (1437) Bad night (519)
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  (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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  (347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc
  Replies (4) Good night (469) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like

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  (717): Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like http://tfl.nu/ufx0
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever

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  (251): I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever http://tfl.nu/l3up
  Replies (0) Good night (223) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  welcome to college.

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  (715): all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. (763): welcome to college. http://tfl.nu/etvj
  Replies (1) Good night (663) Bad night (187)

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