Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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