If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
