Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
