I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
