And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
