Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
