he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
