I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
