We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
