I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
