So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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