Only a mothe r could love this liver
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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