so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
