Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
